


This Isn't Love

by thiccsquare



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: F/F, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2020-12-16 00:08:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21027008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thiccsquare/pseuds/thiccsquare
Summary: Action have consequences. Heather Chandler finally learned what that meant.





	1. The Breakup

**Author's Note:**

> I am rewriting my help is for the weak story because I hated it so far and in the meantime decided to rewrite that one chanduke fic I had in my fic book

It was a Friday night and surprisingly there was no big house party this week, which was okay by Heather Duke's standards. She didn't feel like getting wasted or giving a blowjob. Maybe next week. It also meant Heather Duke and Chandler could have some alone time together in the secrecy of Chandler's house. They didn't have to keep up the bitchy façade when they were alone. It was like a breath of fresh air for them.

Chandler came into her bedroom with popcorn and snacks. She got in the bed laying the snacks on the right side of her with the popcorn laying on her stomach. Once she got settled, she reached for the remote and turned the TV on. Chandler and Duke were both excited because there was a marathon of The Golden Girls on TV. In your pajamas, laying in bed with your girlfriend and watching one of your all time favorite TV shows was the perfect way to spend your Friday night.

Duke snuggled up to Chandler resting her head on her shoulder. She turned Chandler's face towards her. She planted a soft kiss on her lips. Chandler genuinely smiled which was pretty rare. Duke felt special for being the only one who got to witness it. They turned their attention back to the TV listening to Sophia make snide remarks about Blanche.

About half way through the marathon Chandler was munching on some M&M's. Duke reached her hand out to take a M&M but Chandler snatched the bag away.

"Mm-mm," she grunted.

"You never share," Duke whined.  Duke tried reaching for the bag once again and Chandler still held it out of her reach.

"You never eat anyway. You always throw it up." 

Well, Duke's Friday night was now ruined. She felt a pang in her chest. Chandler has never made fun of her bulimia. Okay, maybe Chandler has teased her in public... and tease her when they are around friends... and tease her when they are alone. Basically, Chandler teases her at any chance she gets, but that doesn't matter right now.

Chandler realized what she had done and tried backtracking on her words. "Wait, wait. Heather, I-"

"Why would you say that?" Duke asked quietly.

"I didn't mean it. I mean, you can't really be hurt over something that has some truth to it." 

Duke sat there shocked that Chandler said that. It was only a half truth. Duke hasn't thrown up her food for like four weeks. She's been improving and was getting the proper help. So, why is Chandler saying this stuff? Even though Chandler teases her every so often, she's the one who got Duke help. Does she think Duke will relapse or did she never have any confidence in her?

"You know I've been getting help."

Chandler tried to backtrack her words again. "I know, I know. By truth, I meant before when you were still doing that stuff. Not like you have been doing it recently."

Duke didn't believe her. "Heather, what the hell-"

"C'mon, you know I didn't mean it. I was just messing around."

"No, you weren't." Duke got up from the bed, walking out of the room.

Chandler got up and followed her. Duke headed downstairs to the kitchen getting a glass of water. She started drinking it and Chandler put her arms around Duke from behind, but Duke shrugged her off.

"Don't try to get out of this one," Duke warned after finishing her water. She refilled the cup and started drinking again. 

"I'm not! Look, I'm sorry for what I said. Can we go back to bed now?"

Duke swallowed then sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Heather, it's not what you said. It's what you do. You always insult me as a joke and try to be romantic afterwards to make up for it. You never own up to your mistakes or try to change."

"Ok. Fair point. I promise I'll do better. Now can we-"

"You say that every single time. You say you'll do better and don't ever do anything about it."

"I don't do that  _ every  _ time."

Duke looked at Chandler like she was really stupid. Chandler hated that Duke was the only one who could make her feel that way. 

"Remember when I wanted to go on a rollercoaster ride and you said I was too fat to get in the seat, so don't even try. You said the same thing you're saying now. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I promise I'll do better.'" Duke said.

"Ok... but-" 

"Or that one time when we were walking in public and some called me a whale. You laughed and agreed with him.”

"It was just a joke. You know I don’t really think you’re-”

"Every time someone calls me fat you laugh with them. Then you say, 'C'mon, babe, lighten up. I didn't mean it.' If you don’t mean it, then why haven’t you stood up for me and tell them to fuck off?" Duke asked, her voice rising in volume.

"I know it looks bad, but I can expla-"

"That time when we went on a bus and I wanted to sit down, but you said I was so fat, I would take up two seats. I had to stand while your ass sat down. For three hours! People kept offering me their seats, but I was too scared and self-conscious because of what you've said."

"I don't-"

"Remember Kurt's pool party he had for the end of the year? I wanted to wear a bikini and you told me I shouldn't. I asked why and you wanna know what you said? You told me I was too fat to wear a bikini and that I would embarrass myself and The Heathers group if I wore one! Do you remember that?! When you said it! It hurt me! I went to that party feeling so ashamed that I even thought about wearing a bikini in the first place! I would never want to embarrass our friend group, especially you, or me! The funny thing is, Martha, the fattest loser at our school, went to the party wearing a bikini! She had no shame at all! Do you remem-" Duke was yelling by the time she started the sentence, but Chandler cut her off.

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!" Chandler shouted. "IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU'RE SO FAT AND UGLY THAT YOU DON'T HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO DO ANYTHING!"

The house was silent. Quiet. Soundless. Still. Any synonym you wanted to put for silence because it was  _ silent.  _ So silent, you couldn't even hear Duke or Chandler breathing like no one was in the house. Then... the sound of glass breaking. Duke had thrown the glass of water she had been drinking at Chandler. Chandler moved out of the way, the glass hitting the wall and smashing into millions of pieces. Glass and water accumulated on the kitchen floor. Duke started crying. Loudly. That's when Chandler realized the extent of her words. 

Oh God. 

She didn't mean it. Honest. It was a spur of the moment thing. Got too fired up. Anger... anger took over. It wasn't her who said it. It was someone else.

"Heather, Heather," Chandler said trying to soothe Duke. "You know I didn't mean it-"

"There you go again saying you didn't mean it!" Duke yelled. Tears were coming out of her eyes like a waterfall. "You know what! We're through! DON'T TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN!" She angrily stomped over to the door opening it.

"Wait, wait!"

Duke ignored Chandler's pleas, rushing out to her car. Chandler went after her trying to stop her from leaving. Duke was already closing her car door slamming it. Chandler went up to the window banging against the glass. 

"C'mon! You know I didn't mean it!" She sounded like a broken record at this point. "Can we talk about this?"

Duke started up her car, backing out of the driveway.

"Heather!" Chandler tried once again. It was too late; Duke was already driving away. Chandler put her hands on her head, gripping at her hair. She wanted to scream, kick, punch. She decided it was best to scream. She let out a blood-curdling scream, the neighbors probably thought someone was being murdered. 

Chandler stormed back into her house slamming the door so hard, a vase fell over and broke. She couldn't care at the moment. She was feeling pain, anger, sadness... all the emotions in the world right now. She felt this hollow, empty feeling in her chest. This void that could never be filled. Chandler slid down the door crying. She started banging her head against her hands hard enough to get a concussion. 

"I didn't mean it," she cried. She kept repeating those words over and over like it was a prophecy. "I didn't mean it."


	2. The Invite

The weekend had come and gone with both Chandler and Duke lying in bed the whole time crying their eyes out. Chandler made attempts to call her, but Duke wouldn't talk. Sometimes Duke's mother picked up the phone and said Duke wasn't home at the moment. Duke went fishing with her dad or she went to a basketball game with her brother. (Which were lies because Duke hated fish and basketball.) Chandler had hoped Duke would be the one to reach out, but she never did.

Duke called McNamara and told her about her recent troubles with her "significant other". She kept her relationship with Chandler a secret, making McNamara the only exception. The only thing she told her was that she had been dating this guy, telling her how sweet and kind he was. Well the guy was Heather Chandler. And she was neither sweet nor kind, now that she looks back on it. Duke told McNamara what transpired on Friday night, obviously switching the pronouns from she to he, and McNamara was sad and sympathized with her. Duke cried into the night talking to her and woke up to see the call had been disconnected.

So, you can imagine when Monday came both Chandler and Duke were not happy. Now is not the best time to see each other again. Give them a week. Maybe a year. Maybe forever. They both did their daily routines. Shower, get dressed, hop in the car and make sure they don’t drive to each other's houses by accident, same ol', same ol'. Chandler drove to school alone while Duke picked up McNamara for company.

"You feeling ok?" McNamara asked once she got inside the car.

Duke started driving down the road taking a right. She took a deep breath to calm herself down. Inhale. Exhale. "Yeah, I'm fine." Her voice was hoarse from crying all weekend,

"Are you sure?"

Duke nodded her head. They both knew she was lying. Her breathing was uneven like she would break down any minute. Her hands were shaking on the steering wheel. She had to forcibly keep her foot still to stop it from bouncing up and down because she was driving. No, she was not fine. At all. 

They got at a stoplight, Duke stopping the car. McNamara laid her hand on Duke's thigh, rubbing her thumb back and forth as a soothing gesture. Duke looked up at her, McNamara's face full of concern.

"Do you want to ditch today? We don't have to go to school if you don't want to."

Duke considered it. Not going to school meant not seeing Chandler or having to deal with her apologies. She did not have to listen to her teachers boring lessons. She could sit here, talk to McNamara and ball her eyes out once more. Sadly, she had an important English test that she couldn't miss today.

"No. I can handle it."

Fast forward to lunchtime, and you've got two Heathers who aren't making a sound while one is sitting there awkwardly, trying to make some small talk.

"So… how was your guy’s weekend?” McNamara asked.

Duke shrugged and Chandler stayed silent. McNamara felt the tension between the two, but didn’t dare question it. 

"You guys going to the football game Saturday?" McNamara tried again.

And again, Chandler and Duke didn't say a word. 

Finally, to avoid more awkward silence, Duke spoke up. "No," she said. "Our team sucks. We lose almost every game. We get to cocky."

"At least come and watch us cheer," McNamara pleaded.

"I don't know. It's kind of hard to watch you guys attempt to twerk."

McNamara put a hand on her chest as if she was offended. "I can twerk-"

"You can," Duke pointed at her. "But half the cheer team are skinny girls and skinny people always twerk with their back. It's just hard to watch them. I swear I can hear all their spines cracking. I'm surprised none of them need back surgery yet."

McNamara slapped Duke's arm in a teasing manner. 

"Hey, Heather and Heather and Heatherrrr," a masculine voice said. The Heathers looked up to see Kurt and Ram standing at the end of their lunch table.

"How you guys doing?" Kurt asked, giving a sly head nod and a wink.

"Fine before you showed up," Duke said nonchalantly. 

"Hey, don't be mean," Ram said. He jutted out his lip in a pout thinking he was cute. It was the ugliest thing the three of them have ever seen.

"Cut to the chase," Chandler said.

"Ok, ok," Kurt whined. He put both his elbows on the table leaning in like he was about to tell a big secret. "Ram and I are having a party this weekend. It's on Saturday at eight, Ram's house. You know to celebrate our victory against the rams. Can you make it?"

_ Saturday, Saturday September 16th. It would be my two year anniversary of being together with Duke. Instead of taking her out someplace nice and having a bunch of romance, it's going to be spent at a douchebag's house, getting drunk and probably doing oral.  _

"I don't know. I'm not in the mood to party this weekend." Chandler said.

"C'mon, please?" Ram pleaded. "You never turn down parties. There will be booze, weed. Weed's your favorite."

_ That is true... Maybe I could benefit from it somehow. _

"Uh, well?" Kurt asked.

"Fine, we'll go. Only if there's a shit load of weed," Chandler answered.

Ram turned to Kurt holding out his fist. “Yes! Punch it in!” Kurt bumped his fist with Ram. Ram turned back to The Heathers. "All the weed in the world," he said. "Well, see you then." He walked off with Kurt by his side.

"Are you up for a party this weekend, Heather?" McNamara asked Duke. "Because with what happened, you seem pretty beat down-"

“What happened?” Chandler asked knowing full well what happened. She was there for Christ's sake.

Duke glared at her for a second then scoffed. McNamara looked to Duke as if asking permission to tell. Duke nodded her head yes.

“Her and her boyfriend broke up,” McNamara said.

“Oh. Why?” 

Duke wanted to laugh and shout, “You know why!” Instead, she stayed silent.

“He called her fat and ugly and was just being an asshole throughout the whole relationship,” McNamara replied.

“Well, he’s an ass for not seeing how wonderful you are,” Chandler said to Duke.

Duke rolled her eyes. If that was Chandler’s apology, she gives her an F minus. 

“Anyway,” McNamara interjected. “Are you sure you want to go? From what I know, this breakup didn’t leave you in the best mental condition.”

"It's fine," Duke shrugged it off. "Fuck it."


	3. The Party

The week had gone by slowly. When Friday came, the football game went as expected. They were winning… then got cocky… then lost. Kurt and Ram, as usual, were angry and decided during the party on Saturday they would steal the team mascot.

Saturday came and it took Duke two hours to get ready. She didn’t want to leave her bed whatsoever. She put on a green shirt and jeans she found and let her hair out of its ponytail. It came out all wavy stopping just at her shoulders. She couldn't seem to care about her less about her appearance this time, but she looked halfway decent. She headed out the door, not before her mom popped her head out of the kitchen asking her a bunch of questions.

"Where are you going?"

"A party, Mom."

"Who's going to be there?"

"Friends, Mom."

"Are boys going to be there?"

"Yes, Mom."

Her mother gasped. “You’re not going to have sex are you?”

“No, Mom.”  _ All depends on what I’m in the mood for. _

"Well, are Heather and Heather going to be there?'

"Yes, Mom."

"Do you have your car keys?"

"Yes, Mom."

"House keys?"

"Yes, Mom."

"Do I know the people hosting the party?"

"No, Mom."

"Will there be supervision?"

"Mom!"

"Ok, ok. Drive safe, honey."

Duke knew her mother was looking out for her, but sometimes, it's too much. She arrived at McNamara's house honking the horn. Unlike Chandler, she doesn't honk five times a second. After a minute or so, McNamara came running out the door. 

McNamara opened the door getting in. "Hey," she greeted.

"Hey," Duke said.

It was silent in the car for a good ten minutes before McNamara started asking questions. 

“You never really went into depth in your relationship with that guy. Like I knew he existed, but you never brought him to meet us.”

Duke raised her eyebrows in her shock. “I didn’t?”

“No.” McNamara leaned closer to Duke. “I know you don’t want to talk about him, but tell me… what was he like, what was his name?”

“I never told you his name?” Duke turned to look at McNamara then back at the road. 

McNamara shook her head.

“His name was…”  _ What’s a good fake name that won’t give out Heather’s identity.  _ “His name was… Jordan.”

“Jordan? No wonder. All Jordans are assholes.”

Duke chuckled. “Yeah, I guess.”

“How old was he?”

“A… soph-senior, senior. He was a senior.”

“Oh, really. Does he play any sports?”

“Um, he plays basketball? Yeah, basketball.” Duke said.

“Basketball?” McNamara leaned back in her seat. “Thought he played football. Sounds like a football guy.”

“Yeah.”

“What was his personality?”

“I thought he was nice and sweet. Now looking back on the relationship… he was a dick.” Duke gripped the steering wheel until her knuckles turned white. “He’d insult my bulimia as a ‘joke’. Called me fat almost all the time. He’d apologize and say he didn’t mean it. Sometimes I think he really meant it.”

“Huh. What did he look like? How tall was he?”

“He, um…”  _ Should I describe Chandler? Whatever.  _ “He had blonde hair and blue eyes. About 5’10”.”

“Wow. I was expecting some guy with brown hair and dark eyes. Maybe date a brunette next time. You can never trust blondes.”

Duke pulled up to the house and parked out front. She looked at McNamara, confused. “Can’t trust blondes? Heather, you’re blonde.”

“That’s different,” McNamara said as a matter of fact. “I’m a dirty blonde, not pure blonde.”

Duke sighed. “Whatever you say.”

When they both got out the car, the party already started. It was packed. A bunch of cars parked on each side of the street, booming loud music came from inside and all the windows were closed with shutters on them, so you couldn't see inside. 

“This kind of looks like a haunted house,” McNamara commented. 

“I guess the ghosts got bored and decided to host a party,” Duke added.

As they were walking up to the door, bodies of drunk people were strewn across the lawn, solo cups were littered everywhere and some kids who were on the verge of passing out, still managed to say a quick hello to them. It was amazing how all these people were wasted and the party barely even started. Duke and McNamara went up to the door and rang the bell. Ram opened the door instantly smiling.

"Heather and Heather," he drawled out. He reeked of alcohol and sweat. Not a good combination. "C'mon in!"

They went inside, the loud music became louder. There were people in the middle of room jumping up and down to the beat while others were getting high off their asses. The whole place smelled like weed, alcohol and possibly sex. The smell was so strong, Duke wanted to throw up so bad.

Ram put his arm around both girls, his smile getting wider. "Will one of you ladies care to join me for a drink?"

"Uh..." Duke hesitated.

"I guess," McNamara shrugged.

"Yeah," he said. He turned to Duke. "Don't worry Heather, I'll get back to you later," he winked.

It took every part of Duke to not throw up right then and there. She swallowed the spit in her mouth and left, getting far away from Ram as possible. She's been in this house so many times, had sex in almost every room (except the room down at the end of the hall or the bathrooms), and the house still seemed foreign to her every time she stepped foot in here. 

"Hey," she heard someone say. She turned around to see it was Chandler. 

_ Great.  _

Chandler smelled like weed, alcohol and mint all at the same time. Her eyes and face were red. She looked like a new race. She wasn’t white anymore, she was… the devil? 

"Heather," Duke said looking down at her shoes. 

Chandler also looked down at her shoes, then looked back up. "Where's Heather?" she asked. 

Duke nodded her head to the left. "With Ram somewhere getting drunk and making out."

"Oh?" 

Chandler was surprisingly calm tonight.

"Yeah."

"Well..." Chandler pointed in the direction of the kitchen. "Wanna get a drink?"

Dike shrugged in response. She followed Chandler to the kitchen. Going inside, there were only a gaggle of people. A couple making out, someone being urged on to down a six pack of beer in one sitting, and someone passed out in the corner. 

"You wanna do some shots?" Chandler asked.

Duke shrugged. "Sure."  _ It’s a bad idea to do shots with your ex-girlfriend. Although, I have nothing else to lose, so why not? _

Chandler poured Gin into the little cup. Duke took it drinking it in one gulp. She made a grimace not liking the taste at all. It tasted like those alcohol wipes to clean your hands after eating. The Gin went down her throat leaving a warm feeling inside her. She was not expecting that at all.

"Ugh," Duke grunted.

"Good, right?" Chandler joked.

Duke coughed. "Yeah. I'll stick to beer." She grabbed a beer from the fridge. It was cherry flavored, her favorite. She started taking little sips at a time.

Chandler grabbed a regular beer, taking big gulps at a time.

Someone came up behind Duke and put their arms around her. "Hey, beautiful," they said.

Duke looked up to see it was her favorite person in the world, Kurt Kelly. (Actually, she hated his guts.) She plucked his arms off her making him almost fall to the ground. He was wasted.

"What do you want, Kurt," Duke asked.

"I just want to have some fun with my girls."

"We're not 'your girls'," Duke replied. "Leave us alone."

"Heather," Kurt whined. He jutted out his lip. Duke will never know who told him it was cute. Probably their fathers, but Duke had a suspicion they were gay. That's probably why both of the dads are single. 

"Kurt,” Chandler said. "Let me finish this drink first okay? I also want to talk to Heather real quick.”

Kurt sighed impatiently. "I'll be out in the living room." He stumbled out of the kitchen

"What do we have to talk about?" Duke questioned.

"You know," Chandler said. She left the kitchen, heading towards the door. 

Duke reluctantly followed her outside. On the lawn two people were going at it really hard. When Duke got a good look at their faces, they looked like siblings.

_ Is that legal?  _ Duke thought.

They went to Chandler’s car which was at the end of the street. They both got in and sat in silence. Only the sound of breathing could be heard.

Duke didn't understand why she was so nervous right now. Sure, this is how they got together. Got drunk, went into Chandler’s car and hooked up. Now, that they're broken up, it feels weird. Duke couldn't explain it. 

Chandler took a swig of her beer, then took a deep breath. “Heather…” she didn’t finish her sentence. She kept opening her mouth then closing it. 

Duke looked at her carefully. "If you're here to apologize and cry trying make me feel bad for you so we can get back together, then you're wrong." 

"That's not what I came to do."

"Then why are we here?"

Chandler sighed. "Okay, well, I lied. I did come here to apologize-"

Duke scoffed.

"-but," Chandler continued. "I don't expect you to forgive me or get back with me. I just… wanted to say sorry, that's all. I'm sorry for calling you fat and ugly. I'm sorry for not treating you better. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't have made those jokes or insults in the first place. I'm sorry." 

Duke raised an eyebrow. "...That's it?"

"Yeah? What else do you want from me?"

"It's just unusual for you to act like this." Duke gestured with her hand. "So… so…"

"So what?"

"Nice."

Chandler's jaw dropped in shock. "I can be nice. I choose not to be because we have a reputation to uphold. And I'm kind of high right now too." 

"Yeah, but usually you're not. And I broke up with you. Like, you could have ruined my life in a second. You have with previous people."

Chandler thought it over for a moment. Then, she said, "You're different. I know it may not have seemed like it, but I care about you. I wouldn't want to hurt you."

"Thanks, I guess," Duke faintly smiled.

"Heather?" Chandler quietly said. "I lied again."

"About wha-"

"I was hoping we could get back together." Chandler hung her head in shame. 

Duke rolled her eyes. "Seriously?"

Chandler turned and looked at Duke. Chandler had a pleading look in her eyes. "Please? I swear won't make fun of you or hurt you in any way. Just give me one more chance."

Duke has never seen Chandler plead for something. It made Duke feel uneasy. "Heather, no. You hurt me and it's too late to go back and try again. You treated me the same way even before we got together. You claimed it's because you liked me and didn't know how to express your feelings and all that sappy shit. If you like someone, you don't mentally and verbally beat them down. That's the start of a toxic relationship."

"I will get better. I will change. Just… one more chance."

Duke shook her head. "No. I can't trust you."

"Why? Because I called you fat a couple of times and ugly, like, once? That's not a valid enough reason," Chandler said.

"Yes it is. You didn't call me fat only a 'couple of times', you called me fat almost every day."

"Okay. I get that. People change, Heather. And I'm one of them."

"People do change, but not you. Not after all the years I've known you. The only time you changed is when we started high school. You used to be nice and now you're just a mythic bitch." Duke was raising her voice with every word she spoke.

Chandler puffed out some air in anger. "What? Are you saying I'm not a person? I'm a person, I have feelings too." 

"Really? 'Cause you sure as hell don't act like it!"

"Well, I may not have feelings, but at least I have some personality! You don't. You just follow the leader and do what everyone else does. Especially throw up your damn food, 'cause that's cool. Let me just eat all the shit that I can and throw it all up because I'm insecure about my weight, even though no one called me fat!"

" _ You  _ called me fat, Heather,  _ you _ ! I threw up for you because  _ you _ told me I looked fat and needed to lose some weight.  _ You  _ suggested that we go on a diet. Don't forget, Heather, you were bulimic just like me. Unlike you, I couldn't stop so easily."

"Well… I…" Chandler was left speechless. What was she supposed to say to that? "T-That's not fair!"

Duke opened up the car door. "Don't fucking talk to me. When I said we were through, I meant it. You don't deserve a second chance." She got out, walking back to the house. 

Chandler sat there for a few moments. She was looking straight ahead. No emotion on her face. Then, she started screaming at the top of her lungs, punching her steering wheel a couple of times. Tears started streaming down her face.  _ You don't deserve a second chance.  _ That phrase kept on repeating in her head like a mantra.

In the middle of her breakdown, someone knocked on her window. She looked up to see it was Kurt. He drunkenly smiled at her and opened the door. 

"Hey," he said. His smile dropped when he saw what state Chandler was in. "Um, you okay?"

Chandler wiped a few years. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Oh, okay. I came here because I was going to ask when I'm going to get my little treat you promised."

It took all of Chandler's willpower to not roll her eyes. Knowing what state she was in, all Kurt could think about is getting a blowjob? 

"Kurt… as you can see I'm not in the best mood right now."

"You wanna talk about it then? I mean, I don't mind. As long as I get my little treat some other time." He smiled once again.

Chandler looked at him. “Fine. I…” she trailed off. What was she going to say? She couldn’t really give out that her girlfriend broke up with her. No one knows she’s a lesbian. And no one  _ can  _ know.

“Was it something Heather did?” Kurt asked. “Because when I was walking over here, she got out of your car and seemed pretty pissed.”

“Heather did nothi-” Chandler stopped herself short. She got an idea. Maybe Chandler can do something to fuck with Heather a little. Give her a taste of her own medicine. Make her know what it feels like to be rejected and… and… humiliated. “Actually, Heather did do something.”

“What’d she do?”

“I-It’s just so hard to talk about right now…” Chandler started to fake cry. 

“You okay?” Kurt put his hand on Chandler’s shoulder.

“...Heather tried to have sex with me…”


	4. The Rumors Pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a w h i l e
> 
> I still am continuing all my stories just trying to find motivation and trying to find out how to make the plot progress

The weekend came and went, nothing fun or eventful happening. When Monday came, Chandler was excited to go to school for once. She couldn't for what was in store today. She drove to school as normal and saw Kurt sitting down on the front steps of the school. For a second, Chandler wondered why he was sitting there then remembered.

_Oh, right. I have to give him a "special treat"._

Chandler sighed as she got out of her car. Kurt instantly spotted her and waved. He walked over to her with the biggest smile on his face.

Putting an arm around Chandler's waist he said, "You ready to go?"

Just as he said that, Duke's car pulled into the parking lot. Chandler grinned mischievously.

"You told people about what Duke tried to do right?" she asked Kurt.

"Yeah, I did. I even told Ram."

"Good. Now, let's go to the library," she winked.

* * *

Duke turned around the corner into the school parking lot. She parked far away as she could from Chandler. She was still angry from what she did Friday night. The fact that Chandler had the balls to attempt to get back with her was baffling. Duke sighed, softly laying her head on the steering wheel. Everything was not going as smoothly as she hoped it would. She lifted her head back up to look in her rearview mirror. In it, she saw Chandler and Kurt heading towards the library.

_Good to know she's still whoring it up on a Monday. _

Duke was thinking heading into the library to read and get her mind off things. Now, she's not so sure. Grabbing her stuff, she got out the car slamming the door harder than she intended to. She walked up to the front door of the school like everything was normal. Something was off today though, she could feel it. Students still cowered at her presence, but some started whispering as soon as she approached them while others stared at her differently. Either in disgust or intrigue. She brushed it off and kept on walking.

She finally got to her locker to see Courtney and her gang standing right in front of it. Duke rolled her eyes. She stopped at her locker in front of their view. They all looked Duke up and down then continued on with their conversation. 

Duke sighed. "Excuse me?"

Courtney stopped her conversation to look at Duke once more. Courtney raised her eyebrows. "Yes, Heather?"

"You're in my way," Duke said nonchalantly. 

"Oh, is this your locker?" Courtney asked. She looked back at it judgingly. "Oops, my bad. Didn't realize." She still had no intention to move away from the locker. 

"Courtney! Move!" 

"What if I don't want to?"

"Move or else..." Duke menacingly said. Given that Duke stood an inch taller than Courtney made her look intimidating.

Courtney reluctantly moved along with her minions. As they were walking down the hall, Duke heard Courtney say something along the lines of, "That lesbian had the nerve..." Duke's heart stopped.

_L-Lesbian... How'd she- what?_

Duke thought she misheard her. She was about to run down the hall and Courtney what she meant, but decided against it. She probably did mishear her. Either way, she shrugged it off and put her stuff in her locker. She didn't have time to wonder because she had to get to a yearbook committee meeting to attend to. 

She arrived at the committee room. It looked like all the members were engaged in a conversation when she walked in, all eyes on her. Jim looked like he was ready for business, David looks disinterested as usual, Barbara looked like she was half asleep, and Erin looked indifferent as always. They all looked at her the same way as any normal day except Linda was happy to see Duke. She was bouncing in her chair when Duke came in. Maybe she was going crazy.

"H-Hey, Heather!" Linda practically shouted. "How was your weekend?"

Duke shrugged in response as she took her seat. "It was whatever."

"That's good!"

_Linda's acting more strange than usual..._

"Ok, guys. So, what other student columns are we gonna put? We have student's styles, student's favorite type of music, student's new dance moves-"

"We could put sports in there," Barbara said yawning.

"We're already doing that Barbara, it's a requirement," Duke reminded her. "We need something else."

"What about a class clown," David piped up. "One for each grade."

Duke shook her head.

"Oh," Linda clasped her hands. "How about a talent page. We could go around school asking people if they have any weird or special talents they could show us."

"That's good... anything else?"

"We could put like, a gossip column, you know." Jim said. "Like the school newspaper, but instead of it just being one week of gossip, it's a recap of this year's gossip."

Duke pondered for a second. She picked up a pencil and tapped it against her lips. "It's a good idea, but nothing significant happened this year. So, what's the point?"

The whole group looked at each other then back at Duke.

"Well, what about what happened on Friday? Isn't that considered gossip?," Jim said.

Duke looked at him curiously. "What happened on Friday?"

The group went silent. They sat there uncomfortably looking at one another. 

"What?"

"You don't know what happened on Friday? Weren't you there?" Barbara stated. 

"No? What happened?" Duke asked again.

"Well, about you and Chandler... you know..." Barbara edged on.

Duke's heart dropped to her stomach. She leaned forward in her chair, resting her arms on the table. What did they know about her and Chandler? 

"What about me and Chandler...?"

In that moment, Barbara finally woke up from her half-sleep state. She started to look nervous and looked around the room at her club members to help her out. They directed their attention away from her. 

Barbara gulped. "Well... you know... that thing... you guys did..."

"What thing?"

"I- I, um... well-"

"Barbara, tell me!"

"I- I don't have all the specifics."

"Then tell me what you know."

"Uh-"

The bell rang signaling everyone to go to class. Barbara leaped out of chair, running out of the room.

"I'll tell you later, gotta go to class. Sorry."

Duke has never seen her run so fast before. Everyone else in the room left too. All of them walking at a faster pace.

_What's going on?_

Linda was the only one left. Duke looked at her to which Linda smiled in response. 

"Linda? What was Barbara talking about-" Duke was cut off by Linda pulling her into an air tight hug. The hug lasted for a minute until Linda pulled back. She was beaming at Duke.

Linda sighed. "Thank God I'm not the only lesbian in this school," she said. She patted Duke on the shoulder, picked up her things and walked out the door.

Duke sat there frozen. Even when the bell rang she didn't make a move to get out of her seat still trying to process what Linda said.


	5. The Rumors Pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, I didn't forget about my stories. Just trying to find inspiration and how I should proceed with the plot lines. Since it's September 1st and that's a special day in the fandom, I decided to update. I think I'll continue updating this story until it's finished because I have more of a vision on where I want this plot to go. Hope u enjoy :)

Duke picked up her backpack, slowly. Still shocked at what Linda said.

_"Thank God I'm not the only lesbian at this school."_

Lesbian? What does she mean by that? Who else in the school is a lesbian? Was she referencing Duke? She thought back to what Courtney said.

_"That lesbian had the nerve..."_

She thought back to what Barbara said. Something big happened on Friday between her and Heather. All they did was breakup... how did people know something big happened between them? 

Duke finally snapped out of her trance. She looked at her watch and saw she was going to be five minutes late to class. Even though, Duke has worked hard for years to keep up her reputation of always being on time, she couldn't care less if she was late today. She was freaking out. She wanted to know exactly what was going on.

She took her sweet time getting to class, nervous on how her classmates would view her. When she entered class, the door creaked loudly causing everyone to look up from their seats. Some turned back around but most of the class stared at her. She sat at her normal seat feeling awkward. The kid she sat next to slightly moved their seat away from her. Not in fear, but in disgust.

"Ah, Heather," Ms. Fleming said. "So glad for you to join us. Open your textbook to page 234."

* * *

After a long hour and a half, the bell finally rang. Duke was the first out of her seat. She walked, almost ran, straight towards the nearest bathroom. She stepped inside and saw McNamara perched up on the sink. 

"Hey, Heather," Duke greeted. "Everyone is acting so weird today. People are staring at me and laughing, someone moved their seat away from me when I sat down, Courtney is being extra bitchy today. You know Linda? She hugged me and said-"

McNamara got off the sink and went to close the door. She pushed her back up against it as an attempt to not let anyone in or out. 

"Is it true?" she asked.

"Is what true?"

"That you're a... a... you know."

"I know what?" Duke asked.

"A... a..." McNamara leaned in closer, speaking in a whisper. "A lesbian?"

Duke took a step back. She was shocked to say the least. Horrified. Embarrassed. 

"W-What... I..." Duke sputtered.

"It's ok. You can tell me the truth."

"H-How'd-" 

McNamara sighed. "Heather is going around saying you tried to have sex with her her at Friday night's party. Not tried, but more like, forced her to have sex with you."

Duke gawked. "That's what she's saying? Are you shitting me?"

Chandler is always known to twist any story or gossip she has in her favor. She always tried to paint herself as the saint in any given situation. 

"Well, is it true?"

"Ok. Yes, I am a lesbian-"

"Wow... That's kind of shocking." McNamara said. "So, you tried to force Heather-" 

"No! I didn't force her to do anything. Heather and I have been been dating for a while-"

"What?!" McNamara exclaimed. "Really? You two? Heather and you dated? _The_ Heather Chandler dated you... the girl who supposedly hates you? The one who always tells you to shut up? Like, you guys kissed and went on dates and stuff?"

"Yes. Anyway, we have been dating for a while. Last week we had a bit of an argument that resulted in us breaking up. At the party, she tried to get back with me and I said no. That's all that happened, nothing else."

McNamara released a long, heavy sigh. "Ok... I guess."

"What do you mean by that?" Duke asked. "Do you not believe me?"

"Well," McNamara looked away. "What Heather says is pretty convincing."

"You know she lies! All the time!"

"Yeah, I know, but you guys were away for a long time. Even after I was done with Ram. And from what I hear, you seemed to have left the party really angry. On top of that, you were in her car alone with her. Kurt got into Heather's car and said she was literally crying. She never cries. The whole story sounds like something Kurt or Ram would do."

"No!" Duke said. She felt offended McNamara would think she would stoop to their level. "That's not what happened. Look, Heather and I were in her car and we had an argument. We didn't even touch each other. At all. Heather's lying, she's trying to make herself look good."

The conversation in the car on Friday with Chandler popped back into Duke's mind. She was surprised Chandler was being nice to her even after everything she said.

_ "Yeah, but usually you're not. And I broke up with you. Like, you could have ruined my life in a second. You have with previous people." _

_ Chandler thought it over for a moment. Then, she said, "You're different. I know it may not have seemed like it, but I care about you. I wouldn't want to hurt you." _

So, that was a fucking lie. 

It felt like Duke couldn't control her breathing anymore. Her face started to turn red. Her eyes started to sting and tear up getting for her to cry. The importance of this situation dawned on her. Everyone in the school knows she's a lesbian. Not only is she a lesbian, but they are under the presumption that she is a predatory lesbian. One that tried to force Heather Chandler to have sex with her. Knowing how fast gossip can spread in the school, it's only a matter of time before the faculty knows. Maybe even the whole town. Her reputation is going down the drain with each and every second she stands there. 

"Heather?" McNamara waved her hand in Duke's face.

"Yeah..." Duke said distractedly. 

"I'm sorry, but in this situation I'm going to stay neutral."

A.k.a. I'm taking Chandler's side on this because I don't want to feel Chandler's wrath and I don't want my reputation to also be ruined. Duke was kind of hurt McNamara wasn't believing her. Knowing herself though, Duke would probably do the same if McNamara was in her shoes. High school isn't for making friends or trying to get the correct justice. It's for knowing how to survive while making acquaintances and having the right connections to people. 

"Why don't you tell your side of the story?" McNamara suggested.

"You know people would never believe me. Even if I did, it would turn into a 'he said, she said' situation."

"Well, I-"

At that moment there was a sharp push on the bathroom door causing McNamara to lose her balance. She pushed herself back against it. 

The person on the other side did not like that. "Open the door, you bitches!"

Duke and McNamara froze. It was Chandler. McNamara slowly stepped away from the door. Duke stepped further into the bathroom, hoping she could blend in with the walls. Chandler walked looking like she owned the place, as usual, holding a makeup bag in her hand. She was about to go off on whoever prevented her from coming inside. When she realized it was just the other Heathers, she stopped. She looked blankly at them before locking eyes with Duke. She smirked. It's never a good sign when Chandler smirks. 

Chandler walks all the way into the bathroom, closing the door. "Heather and... Heather. Haven't seen you two all day. How's it goin'?" she asked, suspiciously calm. 

It made Duke so nervous, she just wanted to throw up right then and there.

"W-We're fine," McNamara spoke up. "What about you?"

Chandler laid out all her makeup products on the counter. She happily sighed. "Today has been an amazing day. People for once are showing me compassion and sympathy. It feels nice to have some positive attention for once." Chandler started to apply a thicker layer of mascara to her lashes. "How was your day, Heather?"

'It's been fine-"

"No. Not you Heather," Chandler stopped and pointed at Duke. "You Heather. How's your day been?"

Duke couldn't even properly look her in the eye, afraid she'll say something stupid or lash out at her. "It's fine. Kind of weird, though I'll manage." 

"How weird?"

"Well, you know..." Duke started. Why was she trying to be nice and civil with Chandler? She started this mess, she needs to be confronted. "Why'd you do it?"

"Do what?" Chandler asked innocently.

"You know what."

"No, I don't," Chandler smiled.

"Tell the whole fucking school I'm a lesbian. Tell them that I was being predatory towards you. Why'd you do it?"

"I didn't tell them you were a lesbian."

"But you told them I was trying to force you to have sex with me. I never did that! Why did you lie?"

"Who said I lied?" Chandler asked.

"You know you lied. I know you lied. Heather knows you lied!"

Chandler turns to McNamara, staring her down intensely. "Heather? Do you believe I'm lying?"

McNamara looks at Chandler then to Duke, then to Chandler, then to Duke, then to Chandler-

"No. I don't believe you lied, I-I didn't say that."

Duke's face was turning red. She wasn't surprised that McNamara was taking Chandler's side but again, it hurt. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Heather," Chandler looked at Duke. "Why would I lie about something so serious?"

"'Cause you do, all the time! You lie about everything-"

"I would never lie about this. This is a serious accusation."

"Oh, miss me with that bullshit-"

"Heather." Chandler shook her head. "Haven't you heard? Always believe the victim. You hurt me, Heather. That's the whole truth."

Duke was angry, she was furious. She wanted to throw up all over the floor. Instead she opted to punch the nearest wall hurting her hand in the process. She wanted to cradle to and rub it but willed herself not to. She can't show any weakness right now, especially when standing up to Heather Chandler and calling out her bullshit. Out of the corner of her eye she saw McNamara slowly backing away from her. 

"Heather," Duke said. Chandler looked at her expectantly. "Fuck you."

"You already tried to do that Friday night, so no thanks."

Duke let out a noise of frustration getting up in Chandler's face. "You bitch-"

"Get away from her!" McNamara said, roughly shoving Duke back.

"Are you pulling on my dick right now!" Duke pointed at Chandler. "You're taking her side even though you know that she lies, that she's heartless, that she doesn't care for anyone but herself!" 

McNamara puffed her chest out feeling a protectiveness and confidence. "Always believe the victim." 

"She has never been the victim and she never will be.! Heather Chandler is not a victim!"

"I think that's enough," Chandler spoke up. She stepped up closer to Duke but stayed behind McNamara giving the false pretense that she needed to be protected. "Heather, from now on, you are officially removed from The Heathers. Good luck finding a seat in the cafeteria." With that, Chandler walked out, McNamara following closely behind.

Duke's throat felt tight and it was hard to swallow. It was difficult to breathe. Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes. She wanted to scream, to kick, to punch, destroy anything in her path. Her vision was starting to go black and the room became dizzy. She went into the nearest stall and blew her guts out. Everything she worked for. Everything she maintained in the last four years was now flushed down the drain in a pile of shit.

She will now be known as the predatory lesbian who attempted to rape Heather Chandler.

On the school hierarchy ladder she went from being the shark to a guppy. 

She was nothing now. 

She was a nobody.


End file.
